Things are feeling good. They feel like they’re at least going in the right direction — a good direction. This is the first time in almost 4 years that I’m not on an emotional numbing medication of any kind. We rather quickly dosed down what I was on, at my request. It was really hard. It made me sicker than I was expecting, but with that medicine you can’t stop cold turkey, you’d die at the amount/longevity I was at. So being sick, having the antidote right there that could fix it because I was on a time schedule to…


I’m done being angry.

I can’t control or change what he does; I just have to plan my life around it. If it was bothering him to send the stuff in or he wasn’t ready, one would understand given the circumstances. If he forgot, then I don’t know. I don’t know how one who was so hellbent I’m a demon didn’t sprint up there and complete it all as soon as physically possible, especially since one part just required typing a 30 second email, or how the debit card thing happened, but I’ve seen him do things like that before…


Things have been….. better. Yesterday I got the second dose of the covid vaccine, and boy, it sucks. I had a weird reaction to it within an hour after receiving it. From there, it was about four or five hours later that it started to hit me. We got home from school clothes shopping around 630, and I sat down on my bed but started feeling cold. My teeth were chattering and my limbs were very stiff. I waddled outside to my porch swing, and the 85 degree weather for warmth. It didn’t work, I was still cold. It was…


I’ve mentioned before that I am an anxious person and that I had some signs of that and obsessive compulsive behavior in elementary school. I developed CPTSD later in life, and many things were left unhealed from childhood. My pain and my issues were subsequently taken out on others around me for many years before I realized this. What complicated distinguishing what was going on with me mentally throughout my previous relationship was the trauma bond we had and also nobody (myself included), had considered postpartum depression. Naturally, when you have a stillborn baby, depression is to be expected, but…


It’s late. My sleeping schedule continues to suck.

This is a post about being somewhere I didn’t truthfully think I’d find myself. It had always been a goal of mine to work at a law firm. Of course, when I was younger I imagined I’d be the lawyer, but I took a different course. I thought I eventually would somehow make my way back. I used to spend time reading LSAT prep books, taking mock exams and courses online. But again, I chose a different course. I chose the course that led to children and family. Law school is expensive…


I can look at B and be thankful for my ex one day, because of the things I learned about myself. I learned healing, I learned a number of things. It’s a conversation B and I have had on a few occasions. Despite regrets and feelings I have personally about the former relationship, I don’t regret the relationship in itself. It saved me in a lot of ways. I was headed down a path that was going to go nowhere other than death. I’m grateful for his ability to walk away, regardless of the circumstances. I have a lot of…


Sometimes we’re oil and water
But I wouldn’t have it any other way
And if I’m being honest, your first and my last name

Would just sound better together and probably always will
Like a cup of coffee and a sunrise, Sunday drives and time to kill
What’s the point of this ol’ guitar if it ain’t got no strings?
Or pourin’ your heart into a song that you ain’t gonna sing?
It’s a match made up in heaven, like good ol’ boys and beer
And me, as long as you’re right here

I think back to where I…


Not as funny as people make them out to be.

I’ve never done well with change, to tell you the truth. I didn’t adjust well as a child, although my parents seemed to think I did. It wasn’t much of a choice with my dad. No complaining, no crying, children have no say or opinion — and if you were to question him or not follow demands word for word, he wouldn’t talk to you for days. He wouldn’t make eye contact; it was like I didn’t exist. He was terrifying in his own way, and I followed silently. …


Well, mediation was successful and issues were resolved and we each signed the decree in the building and it has made it to the judge. It was quite a circus. His attorney was (30) minutes late because he had the wrong time, my ex was nowhere to be found and his attorney had been unsuccessful in reaching him by both text and phone call when I was headed upstairs at 1330. It should have started at 1300, but he arrived at 1500, because that’s what he does…moves at his own pace, does things when he feels like it. It cost…


This week I have mediation with my soon to be ex-husband. I imagine that after mediation, this will all be over with. That is the expectation, at least. With him, you never know, so I won’t hold my breath over it. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

This should be the last day we are in the same building as the other one. It’s arranged for us to arrive at different times, so that we don’t see each other. We have to be there in good faith for an hour minimum, then we are free to leave if…

The Girl Called Medusa

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